how stupid can one be?
by kristy87
Summary: A party, Sara, Grissom...the rest of the team....will Grissom be able to resist the temptation? NOW EDITED


Disclaimer: I do not own CSI :(

AN: OOC and major fluff warning! Now edited and beta readed thanks to Rhee!

Summary: At a department party Grissom and Sara are about to get closer, but can he really handle it?

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**How Stupid Can One Be? **

Had he ever seen her wearing a dress? Had he ever seen her looking so incredible beautiful? She wore a long white dress made of silk and matching high heels, her hair was pinned up, a few curled strands of hair were hanging into her face, she wore light make up and shining lip gloss on her lips. Decent, silver butterfly earrings and a matching necklace underlined her beauty. Grissom hardly managed to take his eyes off her for just half a second when Catherine and Warrick had told him that they'd 'hit the dance floor' now.

Next to him stood Nick and Greg, disputing about which one of them was allowed to ask Sara for a dance. Grissom felt how his blood began to boil. He knew he had no right to be jealous, she wasn't his, she could have been, how often had he damned himself for not being able to get his head out of his ass and to simply tell her how much she meant to him! Looking at her more and more made him regret all the times that he had turned all the chances she and destiny had given to him down.

All of a sudden she stepped closer to him, leaning forward to speak into his ear. A simple gesture, it was loud in the room, almost everybody was unable to understand their own words, but although this was just a simple gesture, it made his heart jump a little. She almost lost balance on the high heels, so she put her hand on his shoulder trying not to stumble. He felt a shiver running through his body.

The urge to twine his arms around her and to pull her close to him grew stronger and stronger. He had to resist the temptation even though it cost him more strength than anything else in his life ever had.

"You have to save me, these guys are talking about me as if I'd simply be an object of lust." She said laughing. A bright smile was on her lips, how long had it been since he seen her smile? Months, it was months ago that she had smiled that brightly.

Thank god she is fine again. _I don't know what I'd have done if she'd really hit rock bottom._

He wanted to save her from the two guys, he wanted to take her into his arms and softly kiss her lips. He wanted to feel her close to him, he wanted to take her to his apartment, he wanted to fall asleep with her in his arms and he wanted to wake up, sniffing the scent of her shampoo.

He had to get the pictures of waking up next to her out of his head, because otherwise he wouldn't find the strength to stay strong tonight.

He hated these formal dinner and dance parties that were arranged by the department two or three times a year, normally he never went there, but since Sara had been the one who had asked him to come here he hadn't been able to say 'no'. Normally it had been Catherine who had told him about these events and it had always been easy for him to turn the invitations down, this year Cath had had a new plan: Sara. Cath knew that if there was something that could make Grissom go to such an event, then it was Sara, and only Sara. Grissom hated the fact that Catherine obviously knew more about his feelings for Sara than he did.

Sara was still smiling at him, her hand still resting on his shoulder. He had to say something, he couldn't simply ignore her, he had done this before, but it would have been too obvious tonight. He cleared his throat. "Let's get something to drink." He told her, also leaning forward and speaking close to her ear. His heart was beating fast and loud, he was thankful for the loud music, gladly it made his heartbeat less audible.

A soft smile flashed over Sara's lips. "You know what, you'll get the drinks and I'll be waiting on the balcony for you."

Grissom swallowed hard. Great, now she managed to get you away from the others, now you can't prevent such a situation anymore. _Why was I so stupid to offer her to get drinks? I should have told her that the boys are just making fun or something like this… now I put myself into a dilemma… great Gil, you are so stupid! _If you're not going with her now she's angry and disappointed and probably she'll go home with some guy because she's depressed. Okay this would be the worst case scenario and if you are outside with her you'll loose control of the situation, you won't be able to control yourself anymore, it's already too hard to control yourself at work, each time you see her you want to press your lips on hers… and now you will be all alone with her, in a romantic atmosphere… great Grissom, I always wonder how easy you manage it to drop a brick. "Okay, see you there." He damned himself on the way to the bar. You won't be able to get out of this… you won't be able to control yourself… but you must, you have to stay strong! Don't be stupid, she's your subordinate, you're working with her every night!

He ordered the drinks and went to the balcony. She was staying with her back to him, leaning on the balustrade with her arms. They were all alone. He stepped closer; he leaned against the balustrade with his back, standing so close to her that his thigh brushed against hers. He had to concentrate on every maxim he had to not immediately loose control. He handed her a glass of champaign without saying anything. He was fascinated by the way she looked in the lights of the city. A bright smile lay on her lips. "Thanks," she said softly. She turned to him, nipping on the glass. "So, do you enjoy the evening?"

"Actually I don't like these kinds of events." He confessed.

"Why did you come here then?" She raised an eyebrow and sounded a bit disappointed.

"You asked me to come… I was… powerless." He couldn't prevent the soft smile built up on his lips.

She grinned. How much he loved it when she grinned like that. How much he loved it when she was happy. His heart felt heavy, he wanted to be with her so badly, but he couldn't, he couldn't loose control.

Suddenly her hand rested on his chest. She softly ran her thumb over the fabric of his suit. She was so close to him. He felt the butterflies demanding to get out of his stomach. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes; if he had to see that sweet smile on her lips any longer he wouldn't have been able to control himself for another second.

"Grissom?" She asked softly.

He turned to her, opening his eyes and feeling like he looked at an angel. "Yeah?"  
He asked almost whispering.

"What's up with you tonight?"

"What should be up?"

"You're so… I don't know… quiet…. and… lost in thoughts." She tilted her head to the side, suddenly she looked worried. He didn't want her to be worried.

"I…I'm thinking about something."

"Something or someone?" Slowly the sweet grin returned to her lips.

"I'm not going to answer that question Miss Sidle." He chuckled softly.

"Are you sad that she's not here tonight?"

"Who?" SAD? WHY DOES SHE THINK I AM SAD?

"Sophia… I mean… the two of you…" suddenly she sounded sad.

"Me and Sophia? Never!" He was surprised about the way his voice sounded, strict, serious, and decisive. _Why does she think that there's something between Sophia and me?_

"Good. Thank God," she said laughing softly, obviously relieved.

"You just wanted to be sure, right?" He laughed.

She nodded grinning, then she suddenly leaned closer against him, he couldn't resist, he had to caress her cheek. He placed his hand on it softly and caressed it with his thumb. She breathed slowly; he could feel her hot breath against the skin of his hand and neck.

"Sara," he whispered softly. "…Sara there's something I have to tell you."

"What?" She whispered into his ear.

"I hate loosing control."

"Do I make you lose control?" She whispered while her hands slipped down from his neck to his hips.

He closed his eyes, her touch, her voice, the way she looked… he couldn't resist her anymore, it was impossible… but there were so many people from work, he just couldn't stay here with her… he couldn't be with her… neither now nor never… he couldn't, he wanted her, but he couldn't be with her… this would not only destroy his career, it would destroy hers too… it would destroy him and it would destroy her… they barely even knew each other, although they worked together for five years now, they hardly even knew each other… and… he was too old for her… maybe she wanted him at the moment because he was someone she couldn't have… what if she'd find someone else, someone younger, more attractive, someone she preferred? "Sara, Sara I can't do this," he pulled away from her. "Sorry… I'm sorry… sorry Sara." He left her standing on the balcony. He left the room, the building and entered his car.

_I am so god damned stupid! I am so stupid! I had her… and I pulled away from her AGAIN! Why do I get scared each time I am with her? Why? Why to hell did I get scared?_

The next day at work started out normal, the swing shift team was on their break and Greg, Sara and Sophia sat in the break room and talked with them, waiting for their shift to begin. When Grissom entered the room they all turned to him.

"Hey Griss…heard you had a 'hot night' yesterday." Greg said laughing.

Grissom shot a shocked look at Sara. She shrugged; she obviously didn't know what Greg was talking about either.

"Well, you and Sara both had a hot night, right?" Nick said grinning even more.

"Nick, what the hell are you talking about?" Sara asked confused.

"The two of you disappeared early." Greg said smiling.

"What? Hell I had a horrible headache, I left early because of my headache." Sara tried to justify herself, but it didn't work. The boys were all laughing.

Grissom shook his head. "Well guys, believe what ever you want to believe. Oh but Greg, I wouldn't count on a positive evaluation for this term."

"What? I am not the only one…" The young CSI protested.

"Yeah, but you are the only one that I can evaluate. Nick is not on my shift." He said and faked a grin. Then he left the room, not able to suppress his anger anymore.

_GOD DAMN IT! If these rumors will reach Ecklie I can forget this job and I can forget Sara, after yesterday I can be glad if she ever talks to me again! Hell… I should have… I should have talked to her… or I should have just let myself go… then I would at least have her… Damn it! I could kill him… this idiot!_

He entered his office and sat down on his chair. _Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I could have had it all and again I let it all go… how stupid can one be?_

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THE END


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